She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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