I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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