Can i not drive my cunt home
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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