you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
