We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
