why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
