we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
