Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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