What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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