Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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