me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
