a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
