So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
