No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
