This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
