you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
