I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
