Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
