we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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