her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
