he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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