he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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