i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
