Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
