tell your sister to shave her snatch
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
