i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
