weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
