The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
