No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
