Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
