I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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