Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
