"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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