I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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