I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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