Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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