Nicole vs. Life
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am available for nakedness
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
