if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
