He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
