it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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