This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
