i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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