when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
