wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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