Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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