i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize