I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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