It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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