I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
