My hand turned me down
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
