If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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