I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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